I had been to Mumbai for a couple of days to catch up with some friends and underwent several,coming to think of it now,hilarious hiccups.To cut to the chase,it all started when I had to travel from Vashi to Powai.After a thoroughly wet,painstaking wait of nearly 70 min at a bus stop,I flagged an auto..Excerpts from the ensuing conversation : (translated into English for Junta’s sake)

Me : Brother,I have to go to Powai

AD (Auto Dude) : Sorry,I cant come

Me : Why not?

AD : Cos Powai’s in Mumbai

ME : ?????WTF??? So where are we now ?

AD : Somewhere outside Mumbai..

5 min later,another AD agreed to drop me somewhere close to my destination.As we kept chugging along,it seemed to me that we were going around in circles.Suddenly,I saw a sign indicating left to Mumbai and a toll gate came up,where the AD ordered me to disembark.After taking another auto to Powai and completing all my social and personal agenda,I had to go back to Vashi,where a preview show of ‘Bachna Ae Haseeno’ lay in wait.A few Mumbaikars gave me detailed rail routes,emphasing on the lack of a rush after 2100 hrs.My journey till Dadar was not comfortable,but I managed to push my way through.Then came the Godzilla journey,the Killer.

When I rushed to the platform to board another train to Kurla,the sight scared me.Approximately 500 people or more were trying to board the next train,policemen were frantically trying to pacify the restless crowd with their potent lathis.Casually walking by,I was suddenly pulled into the crowd and pushed into the train,which had just arrived.Yes,I was just swept off my feet.I was hanging on to a bar,when suddenly the pushing and shoving turned into beatings.People started kicking and punching around,in a bid to occupy another sq.m of breathing space.In spite of enduring all the physical abuse,I was barred from exiting the train when my station arrived.I started to shove people around and got even harder shoves.Somehow I crept to the exit,when the train started to leave.Not knowing what to do,I got down facing the opposite direction of motion of the train.30 sec later,I felt my body ache like never before;it was the worst beating of my life.As I finally arrived at Vashi,the skies were pouring down and ADs were very particular about where they would take their passengers to.One AD had to listen to a sermon in a language,as unparliamentary as you can ever find,from a bellicose young lady.I had started this ill fateful trip at 2110 and I came where I wanted to at 00 10 hrs,a journey which a Mumbaikar friend had almost correctly estimated to be at around 40 min.The movie was at its halfway stage and I just sat through the rest.I took an oath at that very minute,never to board a Mumbai local train ever again.

If you thought it was all over,nope..not yet.I had to leave for Pune the following night and after a rather amazing,fun day,I reached Dadar at around 21 45 hrs.A friend,X, and me checked out the platform and decided to have some coffee to kill time before the train arrived (23 00 hrs).As I sipped away,I realised I didn’t have my house key.I had forgotten to take it from one of my room mates who was also in Mumbai at that time,but would return only the next day.There was nobody at home now and I desperately needed the key.I had to go to work the next day,come hell or high water.I called up my room mate Y and asked him to get the key to Dadar.After a few clarifications,he got into a taxi along with 2 other guys W and Z.I told X then that it was like a Bollywood/Kollywood movie,X replied saying I better hope it ends like one.Y called and asked to check out landmarks at Dadar East,as they would be coming somewhere there.X and Me ran to the otherside and started looking around.All we found was a flyover and tons of shops.Clueless as ever,we called up Y and told him we cant find anything worthwhile.To our astonishment,Y said he had reached Dadar East and was searching for us.After a few curses and misleading directions,we agreed to meet somewhere inside the station.Running around like mice chasing cheese,I finally found Y,W and Z.

We exchanged pleasantries,I got the key and we all went to platform 5 at 22 50 hrs to wait for my train no.1333,which would come in a while.Suddenly,an announcement was made for the arrival of train 1327 at 23 10 hrs,similar one followed for train 1333 also arriving at 23 10 hrs.We were all fed up and muddled up.A Messiah in the form of a passerby clarified that the stupid Indian Railways ran a single train with 2 different numbers and was divided into 2 parts,which branched off at some God forsaken place called Daund.You can say the train was something like a pair of Siamese twins.To add to all this,compartments were named GS1,GS2 and so on,and also S1,S2 and so on.The G denoted some unreserved compartment or something,but since when did the Railways started give sleeper berths to such compartments.I did manage to squeak into the train,when I crashed into my berth,I got a msg from my room mate saying he wasn’t sure if he had given me the right key.AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH..

The TTE confidently comforted me saying I could sleep well and the train would reach not Pune before 04 30 hrs.Due to restlessness and the sturdy berth,I kept waking up once in every 15 min.On one such instance at around 03 54 hrs,I found the train to be stationary and enquired about its current whereabouts.To my shock and dismay,he said the train was halted at Pune,which then started to move.I grabbed my jerkin and backpack and quite literally,jumped from the upper berth with a resounding thud.This was followed by another hop/leap from the train to the platform,barely landing on my feet.I reached home and was overjoyed to see my door open with a click :-).As I went to sleep,I could not help saying ” God,Tussi Great Ho”..Like in almost all Indian movies,it was a ‘Happys Endings’,if it doesn’t end so,then people do not worry,’picture abhi bhi baaki hai’..

P.S : Slightly heavy dose of Bollywood of late

Lock and Key…

The Smile Brigade is an esteemed organization that strives to create gleeful faces.One of their ‘funny’ quotes goes like this : “Whenever I find the key to success,someone changes the lock”.Now at first sight,it fails to impress,worse than say any of Manish Krishnan’s pearls of wisdom.But then,compelled to watch the same thing being repeated for nearly 47 times,I gave it a deeper thought.I drew a parallel to a rather passionate childhood game,’Lock and Key’.The catcher possesses the ability to lock or bind any of the players,by doing which he succeeds.Thus,one could say the catcher holds the key to success.But then,any of the non-locked players in the game can also unlock their locked mate.Does this mean all the players barring the locked have ‘THE’ key?Also,at times more than one person can be locked,or the same person need not be locked always.Since there exists the rule/necessity that all players possess a key,any player should be able to unlock himself,if he gets locked by the evil catcher.This is not possible as the ancient,sacred rules of the game would be violated.Thus,in spite of retaining the key,the locked still crouch as slaves of the evil catcher.In the end,our fate seems to lie in the hands of the evil catcher,deeming the key useless.The key now exists only as an instrument for aid for other locked persons,and not oneself.Consequently,the key to success lies in lending a helping hand to our friends,Romans and countrymen and not in egoistic activites.The Smile Brigade urges us to be unselfish in endeavours as it would not merit success,with the lock being changed time and again by a certain someone,say God ( for fanatics like Ranjiv,name him anyway you want ) ;only such a demeanor could ensure joy and an everlasting grin.Ergo,no ego.

Legally confused..

The past few days of my chronic vacation have been saturated with a certain TV series,Boston Legal.It basically portrays the affluent lives and grandeur of the lawyering profession,along with the twists of a Sun TV mega serial.Yet,what makes this seem a class apart are the characters,Alan Shore and Denny Crane.Gifted and glib,they possess the venerable quality of seeing the lighter side on almost all things,including murder,rape etc.However,due to my addiction to this series,my mind has been impregnated with the idea that it is quite simple to commit a crime and escape unscathed,without any conviction,in the US of A.Now being an alien to their surroundings,I do not understand their laws.The accused get away on most occasions in the name of reasonable doubt or temporary insanity.Come on,a woman shoots a man between the eyes in broad daylight and goes on to claim that she was acting as instructed by the voice of God and her clever,badgering lawyer pleads temporary insanity successfully.Cant deny the fact that “In God we trust”.

Yes,agreed that this is not a reality TV series.Still there is bound to be some credibility.On discussing the matter at length with a would-be lawyer friend,I was astonished to discover that the show did reflect the actual US legal system.People are more than willing to sue each other left,right and centre,which is further emphasized when the protagonist states in court,”Lawsuits are a rather profiteering form of business”.This system sucks.A lung thief,a psychopath with the oedipus complex,a woman who steals sperm to get herself a baby all evade jail term as there exists ‘reasonable doubt’.Till date,in spite of the killer’s confession,he/she is let off as there is ‘reasonable doubt’ over her ‘sanity’ resulting in the temporary insanity plea.The legal system,as illustrated,seems volatile and subject to interpretation.It is malleable to any shrewd lawyer who mints millions.Agreed the show doesn’t depict any discrepancies in meting out justice to the poor or the coloured people.But then,if the law seems to be bent like a 30 cm steel ruler,how does it matter who bends it?To what use are all those 10th and 20th amendments to the Constitution,when the fundamental framework itself is so feeble.

Attorneys are glorified and so is their intellect.Their histrionics in the courtroom grant them that defining edge in convincing a naive jury.They alter and conquer the stringent of jurisprudential minds through verbal onslaughts and chicaner.After all,their invincibility is only surpassed by our beloved Captain Vijaykanth,when he’s off to Kashmir or somewhere else to ward off extremist elements.

P.S. : For all you know,I could be sued for writing this by some suit clad,leather briefcase carrying Mojo

Weird congratulations…

It was my birthday yesterday and my dad graciously decided to take me and my bro to this stud restaurant.As we were furiously making inroads into our plates,the waiter suddenly brought a rich,juicy,delicious chocolate cake with a lit candle.That was not it.There was a live piano cum saxophone performance going on,which was interrupted to wish me a Happy Birthday first and then went on to express the same musically also,thus ensuring several glances towards our tables.I wouldn’t say I was exactly embarrassed,but it hit me only then that my parents were oblivious to me turning 22,growing old etc.My bro and me continued to attack our table with ever increasing tenacity,a cake added now to the already existing,well,lets just say food plates.

The weird part comes now.10 minutes later,the performance was interrupted again for another announcement or rather,to commend a monumental achievement.Yes,to quote,”We,the staff and faculty of restaurant X congratulate Mrs and Mr. Ravi on a successful,happy and prosperous return from their honeymoon”.This was one of a kind and will always be so.

P.S. : I do not know the Ravis…this should strike off a certain Ravi couple from the list 🙂

Retrospection

Yes,I finally made it,I became a graduate.Not that I never even thought I wouldn’t become one.The Western world deems it necessary to celebrate a person passing out of school.Several miles away,in India,where the education system is a gazillion times more competitive and students another gazillion times more sophisticated,brilliant etc.,all that we do is break our heads over the choice of a college.Is it the fault of those students who prefer to dwell in their momentary achievement,no matter how significant it is,or do we blame ourselves for having forgotten to take pride in what we do,the way we live .Why am I not able to feel proud of graduating as a Mechanical Engineer..Maybe cos lakhs of men/women graduate as engineers along with me every year,maybe cos I haven’t accomplished anything path-breaking [yet] as an engineer in the last 4 years,maybe cos I don’t want to be an engineer in the first place.We boil down to 2 roads,both define our lives – choice and chance.I decided to pursue engineering cos it was bloody damn convention to do so.For heavens sake,it was blasphemy not to do so.Of course,there were a few heretics in those days,there always are.I felt dragged into an ocean with a million ton boulder strapped to my ankle,but I swam through.I did cos I wanted to mingle with the crowd,I didn’t want to stand out.Hey,I would go down only if they did,every single one of them.It was this sickening attitude that I carried through to my college as well.I suffered,I really did,there were times where I wanted to jump the gates,hitch hike my way to another land,where I could assume a totally different identity,a new persona,where I could choose,where I was not bound by the shackles of convention or the fear of breaking them.It is this morbid fear that prevents us from lagging behind in the rat race,sustains our spirit,in the process drains our soul.Agreed circumstances influence our decisions,for instance at a younger age,not in this country,I couldn’t play cricket for a team I wanted to cos I was not a native.Come on,Indians are over the Silicon Valley,there is not a single nation in this planet which can boast to be devoid of Indians.And Im off to work in a month,Im not sure this is what I want.However,I will do it,I will adapt,I will cos I have no choice.There exists the possibility that I may love my job,till then I shall keep my fingers crossed.I will go on to do things that I have to,to survive,to keep pace with my ever changing confines.Not for long though,for soon I shall be ready,as Robert Frost said,’to take the road less taken by’.

P.S : I turn 22 in another twenty minutes.. 🙂